Feed the Dream – 1 for all, all for Findhorn

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Dear Gene Keys Family,

I don’t need to tell you how difficult accepting your vulnerability and embracing it instead of covering it up or trying to “control” or “solve it” is, you know that from  your own experience already.

As much as the Self knows asking for help is no shame, admitting you can’t succeed alone isn’t a sign of weakness, try telling that to our instinctual self. You know as well as I how hard we cringe when we don’t have “enough”: enough time, enough money, enough power, enough resources, yet we wish we can get to some place and realize that to get there, we need more of something, and we can’t provide it on our own.

So many people nowadays strive for self-sufficiency, for “not needing anything from anybody”, and while this may have its merits and certainly being able to provide for yourself is a good start in being able to sustain others as well, sometimes Independence leads us away from Interdependency, from Synergy.

Sure, when you see a person handling life all on his own and being able to handle every need he has on his own that is inspirational, but you know what else is inspirational?

SEEING A WHOLE COMMUNITY CARING FOR ONE OF ITS MEMBERS AND RAISING HIM UP AS A BELOVED CHILD, making something that was impossible without them Possible.

The power of the Individual is nothing to sneeze at, and I salute every strong and powerful individual out there, every Independent, Self-Made Man or Woman who by his or her own effort “Made It”. But the power of Synergy, between Individuals, Groups and Tribes is even greater.

Let me tell you a story, if you will. It’s a story of hope lost and regained, maybe you yourself at some point in your life had lost hope and maybe you regained it or maybe you are still on your way to find it so you can relate

On the 8th of May (that is 2 days from now) will be my birthday. I had one wish, well several, but one of them really seemed “Out There”.

That wish was to have the resources necessary to go to Findhorn to the Star Pearl Retreat with my Girlfriend.

To be able to afford that, we would need a bit over 2200 Euros, and I don’t know about rents, bills and paychecks in other parts of the world, but here in Romania, you just can’t “save” that much money from month to month.

I don’t want to complain, we have decently paid jobs for our country, we can afford to pay the rent, utilities, food, and even have 30-40 Euros saved at the end of the month with all expenses paid. Salaries are enough to get by, but not enough to save. Plus, from time to time, there’s an occasional gift to be made or unexpected expense, you really need to dig into the savings fund.

I realized I had to give the dream of going to Findhorn and reuniting with Richard, Andrew and you, my fellow voyagers, cause there was no conceivable way, even through the holding of workshops that I could raise enough money for one trip, let alone 2.

To be quite frank, letting that dream somewhere on the Dream-Shelf brought with it a bit of relief too.

No need to worry where I would get the money from, no need to plan the route, no need to fuss about how do I get from the Airport to Findhorn, no need to worry about rushing between airports to catch the next flight and the possibility of missing the flight and being stranded in an airport with no ticket back, there’s a lot of worry I didn’t have to deal with if I just gave up the dream of joining you guys in Findhorn.

But as fate would have it, there was this little pilot-light inside of me that hadn’t given up hope. And one day, when speaking to Andrew I told him I am sorry but I probably won’t be able to join him in Findhorn, even though I wish to.

He gave me hope and encouraged me to not give up, giving me the idea of holding a fund-raiser, an idea which I had harbored myself for some weeks, but was too ashamed and afraid to acknowledge and give action too.

“Who am I to ask the Voyagers for financial help?” I asked myself. “They have their own expenses, their own wishes which require money, their own causes they are investing in, what makes me special enough to deserve any money from them, should they choose to give it to me?” I asked.

“They have their own dreams, their desires, and those require money too, why should they donate their money which was earned through investment of time, effort, energy and love to me? Aren’t others also in need of aid? Why should I receive aid while others need it too but don’t receive it?”

These questions, and others, plagued me so much they stopped me dead in my tracks. My dream came to a standstill. Emotions came rushing over me. All my spiritual training and all the contemplation and prayers I did through my years were of no consequence against the torrent of emotions who overpowered me without even trying.

So I didn’t ask for help, there was no hand extended saying “If you can spare something, please help”.

You see, for us Romanians it’s even worse.

It’s a very deep and private thing this, not just for me, but for us Romanians. In Europe, the general image about Romanians is that we are beggars  or thieves and we dislike work and prefer to hold out a hand crying for hand-outs instead of trying to find some work and earn our bread.

We are raised humble, but also with a sense of personal dignity that is not for sale. While we don’t have a lot, we would rather be buried than be beggars. If we ask for help, financial or otherwise, we deeply fear being judged for not having enough.

So we have a deep reluctance of asking for money, a deep Racial Shame about asking for money, cause it cuts right to the core. If we ask for help, we somehow feel we are less than others who can afford not to ask for hand-outs.

There is something in the Romanian Spirit that is NOT FOR SALE, and we fear that if we ask for help, especially money, we will loose even that, we will loose the last vestige that holds us in a place of Dignity.

I believe it’s an aspect of the National Repressed Ego, that does not want to fully surrender and accept that if we need help we need help and maybe we’ll need help for many years, but that does not have to mean we don’t hold any value.

You can imagine I hold that fear inside me too. Even if my mind knows it’s just dust in the wind, tell that to my instincts.

Yet here I am asking for help.

Through the Grace of my Girlfriend who gave up on coming with me so that at least I can go, she bought me the Ticket to Aberdeen and Back. There’s no turning back now.

I also placed a deposit for 100 GBP into the account of the Course, from my savings.

That’s all we got. I jumped, I spread my wings.

Question is: Will the wind be there to sustain me, or will I boldly fall?

I could have just as well given up. I could have ignored the call of my heart that wanted to be there no matter how “Impossible” the odds may seem.

I chose to believe. I chose to believe I am not alone. I chose to believe that an ocean is made out of billions of drops and that if I just ask for help, somehow, through humans, through you, Divinity will hold me in my arms and may grant me my wish.

If my motives for being in Findhorn are Selfish then let there not be help. But if my motives are Pure and I am doing this for me as much as for those I love and for my Bucharest and Romanian Community, let there be help.

Truth is, I will never be able to thank you enough, but if you chose to give, or even if you don’t, I will still be thankful, cause I believe a warm loving thought is worth more than all the riches in the world, and I bet you’re sending me lots of love.

I wish Adriana, my girlfriend could come with me. I wish Orlando Daniel Stoicescu, my colleague who I hold Gene Keys and Human Design Seminars with could come with me.

They won’t. But they gave me their energy, their blessing and their money so that I may come. And I thank them dearly.

Now it’s up to you.

Any little bit helps. It does not need to be a lot. 1 cent out of a Dollar is worth more than 10 out of 100.000. And each penny given with love is Priceless.

I don’t receive money. I don’t deal in money. I deal in love, and so do you guys. But we still need money to get do stuff here on the Material Plane.

I’ll leave a Paypal donation button below so you can donate any sum you can spare. I don’t know how I’ll repay you, but I’ll think of something, maybe I’ll create something  for all the voyagers, regardless of whether you contributed or not. I love you all the same and I want to see you in Findhorn.

So thank you for witnessing my vulnerability. I’m telling you, it has not been easy writing this. I took a chance and in my inner world it was a trial by fire.

Whatever your action will be, I still want to thank you for reading this and being with me here. Bless you, whoever you are that is reading this.

 

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