Journey through the Shadow, Gift and Siddhi

A Contemplation on the 3 bands of frequency – the Shadow, the Gift and the Siddhi
If you’re a student of the Gene Keys, then these 3 words are likely familiar to you: the Shadow, the Gift and the Siddhi.
But recognizing them in real life, that may prove more difficult.
I find myself asking myself at times “Am I in the shadow now, is this what the shadow looks like”? And to be honest I wouldn’t know. But there are some things that have emerged out of my contemplation of the frequency bands themselves.
If you’re interested, I’ll share them with you here.

I believe that only at the Siddhic level do we perceive and decipher the world as it really is. Everything else is the road to get there, from the shadow, through the gift
We do have perceptions and because we need a sense of inner certainty we take those perceptions, skewed or distorted though they may be for The Actual Reality.
Of course, they’re not how reality really is, they’re just how reality appears to us through our little distorting lens of perception.
I believe that even at the gift level, in a sense reality is still distorted, but as we ascend through this level it becomes less and less so until eventually our hearts and minds fully open and we manage to see the the world as it really is, in all its magnificent details.
When we talk about the shadow level, the easiest way for me to recognize it is this is the field that awakens our inner critic.
We all have an inner critic, that is always there pointing fingers and finding flaws, both in ourselves and in others.
We tolerate that voice inside our head partly because it’s likely been there from the beginning but also partly because it promises us that if we listen to it and accept its authority over us and others it will give us things we want such as:
  • objectivity
  • realism
  • high standards
  • not accepting bad behavior from others
  • not accepting less than we’re worth
  • protection from being fooled, hoodwinked, bamboozled or generally tricked away from our own path
  • protection from ridicule and shame
  • protection from doubt and insecurities
  • confidence and authority if we follow its rules and standards
  • the security of telling right from wrong and the possibility to be “in the right” if you do what it says.
Now all of those sound really good. And some part of us genuinely believes the propaganda being expertly marketed to us by our inner critic. That’s the thing with the inner critic – it rejects all doubt from your mind, keeping it from destabilizing your emotions.
It does that well and instead of feeling like rejection of reality and of inquiry, it feels like Self-Assuredness, like Confidence in the absence of Doubt. Who wouldn’t want to not have doubt, shame, worry or insecurities gnaw at the edges of our minds?
So we put our inner critic on the throne and give it the authority to be the ruler of our life. Its skepticism becomes our own – ever vigilant for people who don’t have our best interest at heart and are out there only to look after themselves with no qualms about using our gullibility and good will for their own selfish purposes.
One thing is for sure, with the inner critic in charge, we feel we stand a better chance of not being made a fool of and not giving others an opportunity to take advantage of us, disrespect us or treat us with less consideration than we deserve. Armed with the weapons the inner critic supplies, we feel capable, powerful, able to defend ourselves from those who would threaten any part of our constructed self-image.
If the inner critic didn’t promise things that were so useful and desirable to us, it wouldn’t have the charm and pull it does.
But if our consciousness is operating in the band of frequency of Fear or Desire, the inner Critic’s words seem like the best possible deal we could get: A Lifetime Insurance of everything, the promises of happiness and refinement through the high standards imposed to both self and others, the promise to not be put into situations where you’re made to look like a fool or a chump, yup, that sounds like a pretty good deal. So we take it. We surrender control to the Critic and that’s how we sign our contract with the shadow.
Our shadow is working for us (or that’s what we tell us), keeping things from hurting us, shaming us or taking advantage of us. It’s like paying a group of mobsters to “keep trouble of your back”.
Especially when the shadow doesn’t come off as bullying you into submission but as charming, confident and having your best interests at heart, you can’t help but trust it. It begins to look like your biggest friend, YOUR ONLY FRIEND. The only thing in your life who will always be there, never leave, will never disappoint you, will always have your back and if need be will go to war for you.
And go to war it does – with others who supposedly disrespect you, shame you, lie to you, take advantage of you or don’t treat you as courteously as you deserve to be treated.
But it also goes to war with yourself, not the self that it approves of, but your “weaker self” – the part of you the shadow looks at as “too soft”, “too gullible”, “too unrefined”.
And you’ll believe its sweet words that sing the familiar tune “I know what’s best for you and I’m the only one who has your best interests at heart. Do what you will but best listen to me”. And you do – you try to reject out of yourself what the inner critic disdainfully deems unworthy, soft or weak. You look at those parts of you with the same level of scorn and disdain the Critic Does.
“How can you be so stupid, we may say” or “How can you be so gullible, so idealistic, so ill-prepared, so trusting, so lazy”, you get the idea.
We pour highly concentrated acid over those parts of ourselves effectively causing second, third or even fourth degree emotional burns on yourself.
Yes, I do think of the emotional body as just as real, although not as material as our physical body. I believe that if you could have a very energy-sensitive person look at you, they could actually tell you where and how severe the emotional body is affected. And I do believe that just as the physical body can actually get burned, so can the emotional one. If we would look at us, we would see many of us with real emotional scars, either from slashing wounds (words or deeds that cut us), from piercing wounds (words that sting or piercing remarks), wounds of abrasion (harsh words lacking in empathy, sympathy, tolerance and compassion), poison wounds (but these are internal rather than externally visible), and of course wounds of burning through anger, disdain, scorn, etc.
I don’t know about you but for me these are not metaphors, but actual descriptions of actual emotional phenomena. Maybe it’s my 19th gene key talking but that’s how I feel. I feel emotions and the emotional body is just as much a Thing as anything else.
We accept self-imposed torture on ourselves and rationalize it that we’re not torturing ourselves (or others), we’re just “being fair” and “taking necessary measures to maintain high quality standards”
Nonsense! We have an endless capacity to rationalize anything, even the most atrocious of deeds, both vs other persons and vs ourselves.
But I’ve seen what the inner critic does to people and I see what it does to me when it becomes overly active and manages to take charge of the psyche – it’s not pretty.
Sure, we may feel protected and safe from doubt, shame, fear, but they’re not gone. The critic just rejects them so strongly they are effectively expunged from our psyche. It’s like creating this inner outward-moving pressure inside your being, that everything, including shame, doubt, fear and other emotions that don’t feel too good are also pushed out, along with everything else.
But we have to keep this up if we don’t want the feelings to return. We have to keep on rejecting them, repelling them. And this is I think how the shadow operates.
It gives us something to fear (well a million things, actually) and then, like a sly politician comes and promises us 100% protection from the darkness threatening to overwhelm us and take advantage of us, taking what is ours and leaving us effectively physically, mentally and emotionally bankrupt.
We will not even notice the co-dependence with our own shadows and the “Services” they provide.
The shadow does not look like our enemy. It never does. The shadow is sly and persuasive, we could learn that from it. But it’s not out there to look for our best interest. All it needs is a home and we provide it. The Shadow is Co-Dependent on us as well.
It needs us to need it, for if we look on the world with trust and openness and one day realize “Thank you but I think I don’t need your services anymore, I’m not afraid of what you were trying to protect me from”, it just falls off. It isn’t needed so it doesn’t get paid anymore. And then it starves.
If we think of the shadow as this inimical force that is out there to get us we will miss it at every turn. The inner critic will indeed make us feel worthless and useless, but ONLY AFTER IT HAS GAINED OUR TRUST and only after it has us convinced we wouldn’t do well without it.
It relies on our trust for its shenanigans to work. If we stop trusting our inner critic, we get a chance to see through the veneer. We get to see it’s a great marketing agent, great at selling us its services. But the price we pay … we pay for its “Protection” and “Sage Advice” with our Freedom and with our Life.
We don’t listen to our Higher Self anymore, we listen to it, the would-be Representative of our Higher Self: our dear, sweet inner critic that again, is not there only to criticize us, but others as well.


When we change frequencies everything changes – the whole world view changes, the whole attitude changes. From the shadow to the gift, it’s a quantum leap.
Where the Shadow is Entropic Frequency, draining the positive energy from anything it stays in contact with, in the gift we harness the secrets of Free Energy. We get more energy than we put in effectively creating more energy.
Take for example Altruism or Bliss. The more you give of yourself, the larger that Self you give of becomes. So yes, on the one side you do in a sense “drain yourself” of Soul, of Energy. But the Universe notices the positive intent behind your giving and it thinks “Hey Huston, we have a giver here that has no agenda. Let’s give him a bigger recipient so he / she can give more”. And so the Self grows and there is more of You to give.
We get in more than we put out – so we have enough both for ourselves and some left over to give to others.
But the world-view is drastically different here than in the shadow. We’re still in the realm of polarity, of duality, but at least in the gift we have the counter-frequency to the shadow.
Where the shadow drains energy and fears that our own energy will be drained by others (actually it’s not that wrong in that assumption), the Gift knows the secrets of making more energy than one needs so if someone is a taker, no biggie, they won’t go bankrupt so there’s no need to protect yourself and call upon the services of the shadow for that.
The gift is beyond the laws of Causality, which is basically the Religion for the shadow. The gift unlocks the knowing there are things that are not rationally explainable by the laws of strict causality but that are nevertheless real.
It trusts the laws of Para-causality, that which lies outside the domain of the Strictly Causal – what we call “magic” or “miracle”. To a so-called realistic “critical thinker”, that can’t be proven so it’s labeled as speculation, magical thinking, wishful thinking or irresponsibility.
It’s looked upon disdainfully as sitting around and waiting for your perfect reality to fall out of the sky or magically manifest itself in your life.
What those people fail to see is that it’s not free at all, that it’s not magic. It’s actually working with higher laws, different laws that exist in this universe together with the laws of causality. And by those laws, through real Faith, not merely wishful thinking and through aligning yourself with the course of action your Higher Self dictates through the line of communication that is your faith, you will be led to that Dream, though you do not get to choose the actual form it will manifest in. At the shadow level things are very very specific – reality appears as clear and you can focus on its various bits and pieces. This is definitely not the case in the gift. Here there are just too many possibilities, the energy is much less defined so one needs a different kind of mind – a Holistic Mind that merges both left and right hemisphere and obtains something capable of receiving periodic communications from the Siddhi. This is not yet the siddhic mind which is something completely different (it’s a non-polarized mind and world-view). But it is the preparation for it. The Gift doesn’t yet see reality as is, but it’s walking the path towards that mode of seeing and being.
Where the Shadow sees reality as it SHOULD be (by the standards of the inner critic), and is never quite satisfied with the result, either one’s own results or the character or behavior of others, the Gift sees the world as it COULD be and starts building toward that. It is in that earnestness that the Gift opens us up to Grace and to the higher frequencies of the siddhi which liberates us more and more from the tethers keeping us in our Fear Consciousness where the Shadow thrives. Gradually we get pulled higher and higher into the field of the Siddhi as the tethers holding us in fear begin to snap and release their pull on us. We have many anchors holding us grounded, but the field of open possibility of the Gift generates enough uplift, enough levity that despite the heaviness of our fears and doubts, despite our faith wavering and even giving up at times letting us feel what it feels to fall from great heights, we get pulled up again and the Ascent continues. The gift is not concerned with protecting one’s own character from shame and ridicule. It embraces silliness, playfulness, it embraces ridicule instead of trying to protect itself from it. But more than anything, and this I think is a key point where the Gift really breaks off from the Shadow, the Gift frequency embraces PARADOX. The Shadow can’t handle and doesn’t want to hear about Paradox. It has to know for sure, things have to be one way or the other. Paradoxes are just too hazy, too unclear for the critically driven mind of the shadow consciousness. Really the shadow has no choice but to reject paradoxes, to try to eliminate them by pinning them down to either this thing or that. Otherwise, the Paradox would shatter the logic holding the shadow together and us in its thrall.
Faith is a Paradox. Love is a Paradox. Even Trust is a paradox. Sure, we can speak about “earning one’s trust”, but that’s not really trust, that’s merely appeasing one’s doubts. The absence of Doubt can by comparison to the presence of Doubt feel like Trust. But it isn’t. The absence of doubt is the absence of doubt. But the presence of Trust, that’s something else.
Can you Trust that God exists? Can you trust that another person really loves you and has your best interest at heart? Sure, your intuition can send you signals, either positive signals or warning signals, but how do you know if you can trust?
You don’t. You just trust. However much you want to rationalize it that “I trust you because ….” or “I don’t trust you because….”, there’s no because. You either trust or you don’t. For no reason (though your mind may be working fervently to come up with a reason, a justification – we can’t have things happening for no reason, can we?)
We can… we can have thing happening for no reason – that’s one side of the Paradox.
If you see your mind actively trying to rationalize a paradox as “nothing more than … X”, that may be shadow consciousness at work trying to keep you safe from what you don’t know.
The shadow will give you things to fear then will offer its services to keep you safe from those same things. As long as there is fear the shadow will tempt us with the promises of safety.
The gift is not free from fear, but is more preoccupied with the positive aspects of what things could be rather than the criticism of how things should be (but aren’t)

3. The Siddhi – The Ineffable Beauty of Being

There is nothing to say really about the siddhi. Here words just loose their capacity to convey the reality of what this band of frequency is. Suffice to say here all polarities are neutralized.
In the Shadow there is Fear and the response to our many fears.
In the Gift there is Hope, Faith and Enthusiasm for what could be. – the gift is filled with positive energy.
Both of those end in the Siddhi.
Fear is a “thing” – Entropy. Hope and Faith are things – Creativity and Positivity.
The siddhi is no-thing. It is a non-dual principle that is alive in both the shadow and the gift. The shadow is blind to it and in denial of it. The gift begins to sense the underlying nature of how reality really is, but has not quite reached that realization.
Really, there is no moment the Siddhi is not there. It’s always there. But the shadow can’t sense it or doesn’t want to, and the Gift is the voyage and the process of getting to that full-realization.
There is no need for hope or even enthusiasm once the Siddhic state is reached. You know your hopes have all come true. You know your enthusiasm has been justified. But you’re not hoping for anything anymore, you’re not looking forward in enthusiasm for anything anymore. In the Siddhi you have arrived once and forever. You finally see the world AS IT IS, as it always has been. And it’s unfeasably beautiful. Some of us just love the hope so much, the enthusiasm so much that they don’t really want to go into the siddhi. The Gift , positive though it is has its own set of trappings, different from those of the shadow but trappings nonetheless. The world of the Gift is a world of Promise. In the Shadow you reject any beautiful dream as mere fantasy, as wishful thinking. In the gift you empower those dreams, you have faith in their reality and try to build them along with others. But are you willing to let go of the dream, of the promise of “More” for the reality of it?
The shadow lets go of the dream in a negative way – with anger, with bitterness, with regret and anguish- it lets go but it actually doesn’t really let go.
But when you have faith in the dream, there’s another subtler kind of dependency in the gift. You feed the dream and it feeds you – you’re a happy dreamer seeing your dream to fruition. But the addiction is in the dreaming and in the building. To be in the siddhi is to realize The Dream was Always There – that while action may have been required, really the dream was never absent and could be enjoyed at any point of the journey. It wasn’t about the fame, the money, the perfect romantic relationship. It wasn’t about having kids and raising them, about having a big family that loves you. It wasn’t about not making a fool of yourself or experiencing precisely the specific events you craved.
Life was always there – perfect, embracing, worthy of your delight and marvel. There was nothing to worry about, though worry you dead. There was nothing to fear, though fear you did. There was even nothing to hope for – but hope does make the game more interesting. The Gift seems interesting and by comparison the world of the Siddhi may seem banal – there’s no “More”, there’s no “Hope for a better future”. Everything just is. And if your mind is still addicted to complexity, it may not love the simplicity of the Siddhi.
Anyway, that’s all I have for now. Hope you enjoyed this contemplation and if you did, thank you for sticking with me till the end.
May you be blessed and find bliss!