It may start off as just a little emotional itch, but your imagination and fantasy is always on overtime asking itself and constructing hypotheses. Then it validates that hypothesis without consulting the present data. It asks itself questions like “What if this *negative state of affairs* happens?”. And then immediately it assumes that state of affairs to be the only possible outcome, regardless of data. And then it goes again, and again, and again, until you find yourself wipped into a frenzy.And here you go, you have a full novel of what if’s that are conceived of as being the only possible outcome. And you come to the conclusion that the ultimate bad result you are envisioning is SURELY gonna happen. Because, after all, the preliminary steps are also surely yhe only ones possible, right, I mean you’re not crazy, you know what you know!
But can you really be sure that what you know is the only way things could be, or are you just doing the normal thing trying to avoid any conceivable future pain? Could you be acting in what you perceive as being your best self-interest? Could you be doing what you feel is right for you given your history? And how could someone else possibly know what could be best for you? i mean, they surely are not you, they haven’t lived the life you lived, they didn’t experience the pain you experienced, they don’t know how it feels when *insert your worst pain here*. So, under theese circumstances, would it be still possible that someone else understands your pain and has a real working cure for it which you could also use?
Now do you think that if you linked the success process with so much pain it becomes unbearable to even think of it, you would feel motivated to pursue success? I certainly wouldn’t and I bet neither would you.
I don’t care how good success would make me feel, the thought of bearing that much pain for any amount of time (even say 3 weeks),would make me not even want to pursue it. So if you blame yourself for not succeeding so far, dear one, I pleed on your mercy. Do it for me if you don’t do it for you. I may not know you, but I do care for your soul, cause in some mysterious way I know it is linked to mine by long reaching energy strings. Please, stop beating down on your soul. It just wants to avoid pain, as does mine and everybody elses. It is afraid of experiencing pain and I understand and deeply love that fear cause I also share it.
See, we’re not so different, even though we may have incredibly different individual personalities, and I bet we do. We all have a tender heart that wants to avoid psychological pain, whether it be caused by loosing what we have and cherish, experiencing pain through the process of becoming, or just experiencing a result of our process that is worse than where we left.
I can understand you beating down on yourself saying something like “Catalin, you don’t understand me man, I hate myself for being so afraid of experiencing some pain and avoiding it. All it has done for me is just keep me stuck and all it has brought me is more pain. I hate myself for being a coward and a procrastinator, because fearing pain just brings more pain. I want to stop fearing pain, but when I get down to it, I just back down because I fear it”.
